Lost Love Again

March 23, 2018

Well I have done it once again. It is my own fault. I have allowed my wall to be breached and in doing so subjected my heart to two blows, finding love and letting love destroy me ... once again.

It's truly amazing to see others find love and happiness, yet as hard as I have searched it has never been there for me. I only can catch faint glimpses at best. Maybe I can feel it's hand reach out and touch me, briefly, only to have it pulled back at the last minute leaving me empty again.

I can only give love but never truly receive it. If someone starts to love me, God, if there is one, stops them. He must say to them, "Don't love this loser. He is not worthy of being loved." The love stops, never develops and I find myself alone in this world once again.

I will live alone in this world, grow old and eventually die ... alone. For those of us who are truly unworthy of being loved, there is nothing to look forward to. No family to come home to, no reason to celebrate ... anything. It is written that it is greater to give than to receive. I am capable of giving love but unworthy of receiving it. I guess this must be this way until the day that I cease to exist.